I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
