put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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