Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
