i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
