Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize