If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's shark week go big or go home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
