If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
