Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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