Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
