i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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