I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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