i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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