Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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