been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
