Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
