dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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