I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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