i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
