I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize