dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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