He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
