Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
