In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
