Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
