Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
