Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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