i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
