he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize