How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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