Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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