So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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