Your dad touched me again.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
