life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you win again, gameday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
