The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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