fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
