I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
