i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Terrible idea I love it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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