i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
