hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
