He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
