I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
