walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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