my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize