He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
