i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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