it wasn't lemon gatorade
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
