I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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