There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
