life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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