Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize