He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
