After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
