i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's like heaven, but drunker
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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