I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
