god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
