he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
