After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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