Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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