i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
