oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
