At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
