Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
