Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
