she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
