I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
