Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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