I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize