are you still at the devil's house?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
