She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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