Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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