HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
