sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
